Minutiae, Musings and General Rubbish

Today at work, I was told that I “have a good, solid name. Like a show jumper.”

I found that strangely flattering.

Oh, hell.

Tumblr’s really gotten under my skin. Watching Inspector Rex, and even here I am imagining slashiness going on.

This is a problem.

Satnav critic Jeremy Clarkson performs a U-turn to become new voice of TomTom

As if driving wasn’t stressful enough, now you can add extra tension to your journey – by having Jeremy Clarkson hectoring you from your sat nav.

The Top Gear host is lending his voice to the latest navigation system from TomTom.

In true Clarkson style, he will bark out: ‘Turn right. Turn RIGHT. You missed it! For the love of . . !’

And instead of the usual instruction to ‘Do a U-turn where possible’, he will order drivers to perform a handbrake turn where safe to do so.

He told The Sunday Times: ‘It is mostly about the tone of voice I use.

‘There’s a tone of voice I use when ordering people to do things, so, “I said left, left, I said left”, you know, that kind of thing.

‘It’s not a gentle sat nav voice, put it like that.’

The device, launched next month by Europe’s biggest sat nav maker, will also feature Stig, the mute racing driver from the show.

He added: ‘You can put it in Stig mode, apparently, which is when nothing happens. It doesn’t speak to you at all.

‘So you can either have Stig or me and personally I would use the Stig most.’

It represents something of a change of heart for Clarkson, who has previously made fun of unreliable versions of the device.

In one tirade, he said: ‘I still haven’t found a sat nav that knows the M40 exists. All of them insist that London and Oxford are joined by the M4.

‘And why in God’s name do the controls have to be so complicated? I don’t need sites of special interest. What I do need is a huge off button, six inches across and painted DayGlo yellow.’

And in 2005, his review of the Mini sparked complaints when it suggested that a German version of the vehicle would have a sat nav system that ‘only goes to Poland’.

The sat nav company is also believed to have been in contact with the Top Gear co-presenters, Richard Hammond and James May, to make recordings of their own – but Clarkson was dismissive of the idea.

He said: ‘Hammond, well that wouldn’t work because he hasn’t got the patience.

‘James May genuinely doesn’t have a sense of direction. We were in a hotel in Brazil recently and I said good night to him in reception and came down in the morning and he was still wandering about with his suitcase because he couldn’t find his room.’”

I think I need to download this. Just imagine it. “No, no, no, you’re going the wrong way!”

This is the second week I’ve had to fill in for tutoring. Really enjoy taking this class! Taught them the months song today - can’t believe they didn’t know it already!

“Thirty days hath September…”